It's all right, Vince. It'll pick up.
- We'll have a big night. - Okay.
Hey, your mother's ass.!
Vince, you see they get seated, huh?
Are you looking for us? Huh? Come on in.
Okay.
Goddamn it. The stupid son of a bitch.
Hasn't learned yet.
Cosmo. You think I left the cash at the table?
- I just wanted to thank you. - For what?
- It's been seven years. That's a long time. - Ah.
For me and you.
Got one last payment to go.
Hi, ho, Silver, away.!
You were wonderful, Teddy.
Let's hear it for him, ladies and gentlemen - Mr. Sophistication.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Mr. Sophistication and his De-Lovelies will be along in a moment.
My name is Cosmo Vittelli.
I'm the owner of this joint.
I, uh, choose the numbers...
I direct them, I arrange them.
You have any, uh, complaints, you just come to me, and I'll throw you right out on your ass.
- Let's get on with it. - Uh, Mr. Sophistication...
- Bring on the girls.! - wants to assure you that he's intact, ladies and gentlemen.
- Get it going.! - His gun is firm and intact.
And as a matter of fact, he's about to take you on a sentimental journey...
to Vienna...
where you will attend one of the most glamorous balls...
ever given...
by any king, queen, count or baron.
Mr. Sophistication, ladies and gentlemen.
Am I late?
Is it all right?
You know it's all right. It's all there.
You want to count it again?
Nah.
Cosmo, you're a prince.
Now you can go out and work for yourself.
Marty, you're a lowlife.
No offense...
but you have no style.
I don't ever want to see you again.
Don't push it.
Asshole.
I think there's a bar on the next corner. Uh...
on the right.
Uh, miss, may I have a scotch and water?
- Tall? - Tall, please.
I've been pointed out by people
My name is mud
I've been dreaming all the dreams
And dancing in the evening
- Singin'in the shower - Will you get out ofhere.
But nothing seems
To take your place
I'm almost in love with you
I nearly miss you
I've hardly seen you
When I do, I get
A feeling that
Something should be
There
What are you lookin' at?
I got a golden life.
- Got the world by the balls. - You think so?
That's right. I'm great.
I am amazing.
Ah, you're getting slow, Lamarr. Beat you again.
Oh, for-Where's your class?
Style, not class.
- May we help you? - Yeah.
- Hey, my name is Cosmo Vittelli. I came to pick up Sherry. - She's inside.
- She's dressing. - She's getting ready.
- You're awfully cute. - Ah, well, you're not so bad yourself.
Yeah.
Ah, here she is.
Hi. You look wonderful.
- Thank you very much. - Have a nice time.
- Thank you very much. Good night. - Good night.
Here. Let me put this on you.
Here we go.
Right here, hmm?
Uh, Lamarr, you know how to do this?
Oh, yeah. I know all about this.
Have some champagne.
- Spill. You're spilling on my shoe. - Oh. Sorry, sweetheart.
- Wait a minute. Hold it. - Okay.
Mmm.
Got all those tiny little bubbles in there.
Lamarr.
- Got another customer for ya. - Oh, good.
- Let me put this on you. - Get her in the car.
There you go. How's that look? That looks awfully nice.
Yes, thank you.
All set?
Yeah. Go ahead, for Christ's sake.
Lamarr, I thought you were an expert at this.
- Well, I at least got the pin in. - Right.
Don't spill it.
- There you go. - Watch it.
Hand me that thing. I smell cigars.
No, it stinks like perfume in here already.
- No. - Give me that.
Oh, how lovely.
Thank you.
- Betty, why aren't you dressed? - Hello.
Well, she doesn't want me to go with you.
What do you mean she doesn't want you to go?
Mom understands. I want to be alone with you.
- Why are you being so nasty? - I'm not.
Most wonderful mommy in the world.
That's what you are - the most wonderful mommy in the world. Yeah.
We can all go out another time.
She knows I love her.
- Oh. I got somethin' for ya. - Oh, yeah?
Oh, thank you. What's this? Flowers?
- Open it up. - Mom, a red orchid. It matches my dress.
Oh, thank you, darling.
Isn't he the most wonderful man?
- I'll be right out. - Okay.
Oh. Thank you.
Mmm. Try it on.
- I like this. - Put it on. Put it on. We gotta go.
- Thank you. Bye-bye. - Bye, Mom.
Have a nice evening.
I'm not particularly greedy in life
Give it to me this way or that
It doesn't matter iflife is fair
It's got to be there
I just want my share
Oh, well.
I feel like a shill sitting around here doing nothing.
Yeah, really. Did you see that guy at that poker table in the back giving me the eye?
- I can't take it anymore. - Great.
Well, we can't stay in here all night. You know what I mean?
All right, you guys. Let's go. Come on. Come on.
Hey. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Just a minute.
Come on. No one's noticing your face. They're looking at your tits, and they're looking at your ass.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
That's your line, honey, not mine.
I got more to offer than that.
- A lot more. - Yeah, yeah. Okay. Let's go.
- Sure, I do. - Let's go. Let's go.
I'm ready for this. I'm ready.
I'm ready to go.
I need more chips.
I pass.
- Hey. - Cost you $50.
Yo. What's your name?
- Vic. - Yeah, will you tell the commodore to come over here, please?
- Sure. - Cost you $50 if you care to play.
Cost you $50.
He raised you $50. He did.
$50. I'm in.
I'm in.
Fifty and 400.
He raised it 400. 400 to you if you care to play.
- Costs $800. - No, no, no. Wait a minute.
- 450 it costs me. - No, no, no. 850.
It's gone up 400. It costs you 400 if you care to see it.
Call the 400, and I raise it four. That's $800.
- Uh, listen, uh - - Plus $400.
I'm gonna need more credit.
I'm sorry, Mr. Vittelli. No more credit.
- Cost you $800. - I know it costs 800!
Wait a minute, will ya? What are you trying to do, embarrass me?
I'm sorry. No.
- Well, can I have the credit, or can't I? - I'm sorry. There's no more.
Well, then let me see Mr. Weil. Go get him, will ya?
The man said I could have unlimited credit.
Unlimited credit? I never heard of such a thing. What do you mean "unlimited credit"?
You.
Sorry for the inconvenience, folks. We're runnin' a little late this morning.
The bar's open. Enjoy yourself. Relax.
We won't be long.
Hey. Come on back.
Check those to me.
- Sit down, Doc. - Oh.
- Who are you? - Just another successful night at the table, huh, Leila?
I said, who are you?
I'm- I'm Robert Starkey. Dr. Robert Starkey.
- I'm a friend of Dr. Weiner's. - What kind of a doctor are you?
A urologist. Does that matter?
A urologist. In medical circles, he's a plumber.
- Exactly correct. - You oughta go take a leak.
- Bob. - You oughta be a little respectful of anyone's profession, especially mine.
Bob.
- You got a big clientele, Doc? - Just a second, Leila.
We're here to discuss a loss of $5,000 this evening.
- Absolutely. - Dr. Weiner's -All right.
- I can handle that in 30 days. - Thirty days is not good enough.
- What is good enough? - Now.
- Bob. - I can't handle that now. Thirty days.
- Bob, you're making an idiot of yourself. - Doctor.
- Leila, just take it easy. - They're not kidding.
- This isn't a game. - Dear. Stay calm. Stay-
These men can kill you, and they can kill me.
- Just a second. Just a second. - Will you get out.!
You just bought it, Doc. Come on.
- Out! - All right, all right. Come on. Hands off.
Uh, there's hope, there's hope, there's hope.
People who owe money.
That's the worst sin in the world. Here's to the biggest sin in the world -
people that owe money.
Darling, you don't have to worry about the cash...
but you do have to help us.
- I will. - I want you to make your files available to us.
- Just for a short time. - This goddamn ring's only worth about $600.
No, that's worth $5,000.
It's only worth 600 to us, dear.
- Joe Beano. - Yes, sir?
- Come with me, please. - Okay, sir.
La, da, dee, da, da-da, dee, da, da
This entourage of biscuits follow you wherever you go?
Ah, Mr. Vittelli. Gentlemen, this is Cosmo Vittelli.
- Care for a drink? - Uh, no, thanks.
May I see your credit cards, please?
And your driver's license?
- Uh, it's there. - Excuse me, Mort.
Who gave this gentleman credit?
Mr. Vittelli...
do you plan to pay your debt by check?
Well, I don't usually carry that kind of money in my bank.
You know, all the money I make...
I put back into the business.
And it's paying off handsomely.
Now, look, I intend to pay.
I'm not one of those guys who consider a gambling debt just a piece of paper.
I'm sure.
I'm sorry for the...
formality, but, uh, I'm gonna have to ask you to sign a couple of forms.
$23,000 is a lot of money.
Uh, why don't we have that drink, girls?
I - I'd, uh - I'd be willing to pay for it. A round for everybody.
No, no, no. Ladies, excuse me. I'm sorry.
Please be seated. Just make yourselves comfortable.
- Eddie, uh, let me have a Form 223 and a Form 17. - All right. Okay.
And a pen. No, no, no. You've got two Form 17 s.
- Oh, I'm sorry. - Can I have a pen?
Yes. I'll get one to you in just a minute.
All right.
- And that's 17. - And a pen.
Thank you.
Okay. Mr. Vittelli, right here, please.
Okay. Again right here.
Very good. Great.
Thank you very much. I'm sorry about all this...
but you're welcome back anytime.
- Thank you. - Ladies, please come again.
- Good day. - See ya, champ.
Thanks.
- Where's my orchid? Oh. - Here.
- Thank you. - Get a good night's sleep.
- Good day's sleep. - See you.
Thank you. Good night.
Good morning.
- Thank you. - Why don't I walk you to your door?
Yes, please. Thank you.
So, what are we gonna do?
It's all paper.
- Certainly has been a depressing evening all the way around, hasn't it? - Yes.
Be right back.
Aren't you gonna come in?
I think the thing to do is to get some cash and go back down there.
- Want me to come with you? - Nah.
All right.
- Let's go to the club. - Okay.
Thank you, Lamarr.
Thank you.
Nice and hot. You want me to fix it for you?
- No. - You going back to the place?
- Yeah. - You want me to audition for you?
I can get Abe to sit in for me.
There's not much of a turnover at this hour of the morning.
Let me close this door.
Find the switch here. Damn thing never works.
Do you have a dressing room?
There's costumes over here.
This batch. Try on anything.
I'm okay now. Thanks. Do you have any music?
Yeah, we got music.
Rainy fields of frost and magic
Morning dew
In late afternoon
Alone I sit
For a moment
Lost in thought from when all the moon
And the twilight skies
Bring silent cries
And tonight's moonrise
Fills my eyes
I think I'll step inside to build a fire
Hang up my coat and gloves
Mmm, loving all change
Winter desire
Okay, just walk up and down, will ya, so I can take a look at ya.
And the amber light
No, you don't have to jump anymore, sweetheart. Just walk up and down.
From the cabin side
Outside tonight
Just a moment of peace Just me without you
An understanding that we share
Knowing this
Hey.
Come on over.
There are things we must do
And still knowing this
We really care
And when the time is right
Oh! Cut it out, will ya?
You stop it. Cut it out!
Goddamn it! Will you stop!
Cool it!
Just auditioning a girl, for Christ's sake!
Cut it out now.
- What's the matter with you? - Rainy fields of frost and magic
Flowin'through a thought
That I just had
Son of a bitch.
Just a place I see
Off in the desert
Far-off, distant land
And the sun shines through
When I look at you
And all the things that you do
Make today so right
Open your mouth.
Here it comes. Open your mouth.
As you live
So do I live
As you walk
- Come on. - So do I smile
As you are
Ah, this is bullshit.
Who
Who but you
I'm a club owner.
Could know
- I deal in girls. - You're someone to me
Yeah.!
The owl and the pussycat went to sea...
in a beautiful...
pea-green boat.
Um -
Said the owl to the pussycat...
"Come with me to the Crazy Horse West...
and Mr. Fascination will take us to gay 'Pa-ree. "'
Paris.
Parigi to those of you who are multilingual.
Let's not take a jet or an ocean liner.
But using your imaginations...
and with our humble efforts onstage here...
let's transport ourselves...
to that city on the Seine 9,000 miles away.
The City of Light, La Ville Lumière...
Paris.
Hurry it up. Hurry it up, girls.
Let's get the show on the road.
There you are.
I can't give you
- Anything but love - Take it off!
Baby
Ooh. Excuse me, sir...
but I'm new here.
She certainly is.
Please, I have no money, no place to eat, no place to sleep.
Well, this must be the place.
Whoo.! Whoo.!
Beep, beep.!
- Beep, beep! Beep, beep! - That's the only thing
I've plenty of
Baby
Dream awhile
Scheme awhile
- Take it off! - Whoo.! Whoo.!
You're sure to find
Happiness
And I guess
- All the things - Oh, yeah.!
You've always pined for
Whoo.!
Mademoiselle, uh...
does this brute - this beast bite?
Pardon?
Your dog, baby. Does, uh, this bowwow...
bite?
- No, he won't. - So, what does he do?
You comb her...
- you wash her... - And him?
- you feed her. - Whoo.!
That you do to a dog?
Turn us on, babes.
- They go wild - Oh, not again.
Simply wild
Over me
When a lady asks for more
I say Love, you get what for
- More, will you? Give me it. More, more. - Oh, shut up.
- Look what you have here. - They go wild, simply wild
They go wild, very wild
Over me
Hey, fella, you got a doorman?
- Yes, sir. Uh- - Get him, will ya?
- But you can't park here. We have a parking lot. - Right.
- You'll get a ticket. - Okay.
- If you don't mind, I'll park it for you. - Cosmo Vittelli inside?
- Yes, sir. - Get him, will ya, fella?
- Sure. - Thank you.
Found us a valuable spot.
Uh, Mr. Vittelli, there's some gentlemen outside for you.
Hey, go learn some manners. Get going. - Yes, sir.
Be right back, Sonny.
Oh.
Hey, Cosmo.
That's good.
You know my friends, the Santa Monica gentlemen.
John, Eddie, Phil.
Mort.
Cosmo.
Yeah. Cosmo.
Vince, wait inside.
If there's any trouble, I'll be inside.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You've got a nice spot here, Mr. Vittelli.
Who do I talk to?
- You talk to all of us. - At once.
- How are ya? - I'm fine, thanks.
Just wanted to drop by and say hi...
see how you were feeling.
- I, uh, have xerox copies, John. - Yeah.
- Do you want me to give it to him? - No, give it to me.
Now, I'd like to ask you. What kind of a mortgage do you have? First? Second?
- How are you covered? - Where do you get that kind of money?
23,000, besides what he took out.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What do you mean, "what he took out"? What are you talkin' about?
- Well, he cashed in some chips. - I cashed a check.
- So you left with what? - No, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I walked in with a thousand dollars, I left with nothing.
I lost it.
Just give me another beer, will ya? Thank you.
- Okay. - Ah, he's all right.
We got this...
punk Chinese down in Chinatown.
We can't get him out...
'cause he's got these tough...
Chinese kids around him...
with the long sideburns and the Charlie Chan mustaches, you know.
Yeah.
They're all alike, you know. Very belligerent, you know...
like in the war.
Right?
- Were you in the war? - Yeah, I was in the war.
- Ah, you know. You remember. - Where?
- Korea. - Then you know.
Ever see any action?
- Little bit. - How much?
I killed a few people.
How?
With an M1.
- Oh, infantry. - Yeah.
Well, then you do know about 'em.
- Yeah, I know about the Oriental. - That's wonderful.
Give me a cigarette, will ya?
So you have killed gooks.
In the war.
Yeah. That's what I'm talkin' about.
I'm not talkin' about killing Japs now.
I'm talking about your experience.
- What are we doin' anyway? - Take it easy.
This guy is into us for a lot of money.
That's what we're talkin' about.
And this is why we're here talking.
You know, to figure out some way for you to reduce your debt.
You see, what we need you for is this.
We got a little problem down there, and you can help us out a lot.
See, and that's what we're here to talk about, you know.
Some way that you can reduce the debt.
I'm sorry, boys. Uh -
If you want me to kill somebody, uh, you got the wrong guy.
- No, no, no. - I may be dumb, but I'm not a fool.
- Nobody said you were a fool. - I think I understand.
- Mort, did you say he was a fool? - I think I understand.
- John? Nobody's calling you a fool. - Look, look. I'm a club owner.
I took a place from nothing and made it into something.
I've been shylocked up to here!
I pay my debts!
You did a hell of a job.
Seriously, how much do you make in that place?
- What's the actual take? - Come on. I don't have those answers.
- What do you mean? - Because I don't have the figures.
- It's a reasonable question. - Why not? You gotta give us figures.
- How do we know what you do if you don't give us figures?
- Fellas, for Christ's sake. Hold it.! - I'm an accountant. I got to get figures.
My family had no money. I had to walk to school. I was afraid every morning I walked to school.
I know the boys.
They come to my place.
I keep my mouth shut. I turn my back.
But, uh, to get involved, uh-
- So, you don't want to get involved. - That's right. I don't want to get involved.
But the money you want.
Ah, look, if it's something - You have to count me out.
I don't even buy liquor from San Francisco.
I'm, uh -You know. I'm - I deal with merchants...
uh, butchers, bakers, milkmen.
What the hell are we doing? He owes us money, lost money on the casino.
Let him pay. Let him pay.
I'd like to reduce the debt, but, uh...
not get rid of it.
So, what you want to do is reduce the debt but not get rid of it.
- That's right. - By how much?
$10,000.
Okay.
- You want to reduce the debt $10,000. - Yeah.
This is it.
He loves beautiful girls.
You got beautiful girls.
Take the girls down to Chinatown...
find him.
Introduce the girls to him.
Invite him up to your club.
For $10,000 it's a deal.
Mr. Vittelli, trust us.
Hey, Rach.
I'm hot.
It's hot down here.
I'm not hungry. Give me some, uh...
Coca-Cola.
Let's do somethin'.
What do you want to do?
- Want to go to a movie? - Let's go to a movie.
- A Chinese movie? - Chinese movie. Why not?
Get out of this heat, get into some air-conditioning, huh?
All right. Enough. We've seen three pictures.
- Ah, here it is. Here it is. - Where's my purse?
I got it.
Here we go. Come on. Let's go, girls. Here we go.
- Jesus Christ. It's night. Here. Here's your hat. - Oh.
Lamarr, why didn't you come in and get us?
- Didn't want to disturb you. - What time is it?
- It's late. - Of course it's late.
The show, for Christ's sake. Let's get in here. Come on, girls.
Come on.
Come on. Let's go.
Let's go, for Christ's sake.
Let's go.
Hey. You're gonna make me-
Come on.
Quiet. Quiet.
- Many a heart is - Hold it.
Breaking
If you could read them all
- What the hell kind of number is that? - Many the hopes
- That have vanished - "After the Ball Is Over. " The ball is just beginning here.
- Go on and get dressed. I never want to see that song in the show again. - After the ball
It's a strip joint. Nobody takes their clothes off, for Christ's sakes.
- After de ball is over - Take it away, Fifi.
This show is going so bad, maybe I should take all my clothes off.
Cosmo.
- Hey, Mort. How are ya? - Ah.
Didn't find him, did ya?
Nah. I didn't want to find him.
I don't understand.
I don't want to reduce the debt.
- You don't? - No.
What do you want to do?
Well, I owe you money, I'll pay ya.
- Step outside. - I'm busy. I'll see you in a few minutes.
Please, do yourself a favor.
I mean, you know I like you.
Do yourself a favor and step outside.
Okay, Mort.
Everybody's talkin'
Everybody's walkin'
Back
Everybody's talkin'
Everybody's walkin'
Back
Che bello.
Give it to him.
You know how to load it?
We got a. 38 and a. 45.
The. 45, if nothing else, you can put in your waistband.
.35 is good. It's nice. There's something about it. But this puts a whole -
You see?
Yeah, but there's no chance of a jam with that. 38 revolver.
We're gonna let you make the decision, because, after all, you're making the hit now.
- Yeah. - In my opinion, if I were you - if I was in your shoes - I'd take both.
- Go ahead. - I'll take the. 45. I'm used to it.
All right, Cosmo.
Oh, we, uh, borrowed a car. It's parked behind us.
Yeah.
It's, uh, real hot.
There won't be an alert out for an hour or two.
Take a look at it, so you know what you're driving.
It's automatic.
It's running on a wire, so don't stall it. There's no key.
Cosmo.
You see this?
You know where the Laurel Ventura Freeway is?
- Yeah. - You go over Laurel.
Two blocks on the other side of the Valley, past Ventura Boulevard.
Stay to your right. Under the bridge, you get on.
Stay on that till you get to Rossmore.
Get off at the Rossmore exit, go east till you come to Philbin.
It's on the map.
Park the car, walk seven blocks.
Here's the book. It's all marked.
Here's the key.
Now, we got it from the locksmith who put the Chinaman's locks in.
We know it works.
For the back stairs only, Cosmo.
And you gotta stop off at a joint and buy some beef.
Got three dogs.
You could buy 12 hamburgers.
Don't put mustard on 'em either.
And no pickle or they- or ketchup.
And don't put any onions on 'em.
He's an old man. He sleeps alone.
There's an A-frame house in front of the big place.
Got a lot of guards living there.
- The guards live in the A-frame? - Right.
Yeah. There's always somebody wandering.
Sometimes two outside.
They're quick... and quiet.
And there are lights, and there are trip wires, aren't there?
Only in the front of the driveway.
- In the front of the driveway. - Take a taxicab back.
Wipe the gun clean and throw it away. It can't be traced.
Give him the markers. Let him examine the markers.
All right.
Mr. Vittelli, you want to check these?
That's the original copy.
That was our receipt.
You owed us $23,000.
You can tear it up if you want to.
Go ahead.
No traffic violations.
Yeah. Yellow Cab, uh...
I'm at the corner of, uh, Genesee and Pitts.
Uh, well, it's the, uh, Economy Self-Serve.
Well, it's the Economy Self-Serve.
My name is, uh, Ted Byron.
Uh, well, I'll be right here.
Right. I'm not goin' anywhere.
Sonny. How's it goin'?
Well, who's onstage?
Margo and Sherry?
Why are only two girls onstage? Where's Teddy?
He, uh, just came on.
All right. Well, what's he singin'?
What song is he singin', Sonny?
But how can that be - Sonny.
How can that be the song with only two girls onstage?
Uh - Sonny.
Who's this?
Vince. Vince, I can't understand Sonny. Wh-Wh -Who's onstage now?
The -The -The, uh - The -The short girl.
Margo Donnar, right? And the tall girl.
Right. Sherry. Yeah.
And, uh -What -What number is it?
Is it the Paris number?
The Paris number. For Christ's sake. You've been at the place seven years...
you don't know what the Paris number is?
Well, are there signs on the wall? P-A-R-
The Paris number.
Are there letters on the wall that say P-A-R-
There's another card that says "moon. "
Well, what's he singing?
Is it "I Can't Give You Anything but Love, Baby"?
I can't give you
Anything but love
Baby
I'm the one who called ya.
- Where you goin', pal? - Downtown.
- I mean, where downtown? This is a pretty big city. - I'll tell you when we get there.
Look, mister, I don't like to take anybody in the cab that doesn't know where he's goin'.
Well, I know where I'm goin'. I, uh, just don't know the address.
- All right. You call it out when we get down there. - Yeah, okay.
Sure. Fine. Fine.
- You wanted 12 hamburgers to go, right? - That's right.
- Well-done, right? - That's right.
- I even had them individually wrapped for you. - No, no. No, that's wrong.
- You didn't want 'em individually wrapped? - No. I - I -
I don't want 'em wrapped. I want 'em all together.
My wife hates waste. Uh, paper comes from trees.
She hates that. She can't even throw the garbage out.
- Just do what I tell you, will you? - But -
- I want 'em all together. - But you can't put 12 hamburgers in a brown paper bag.
- I mean, you're gonna ruin it. - That's the way I want it.
Okay. Your hamburgers.
Her husband died last year. You know, you get angry.
Get lonely.
Sometimes it always goes like that, don't it?
I know. Believe me, I know.
Hey, look, man. I'm really sorry. I -
I thought maybe you were lonely. I thought maybe you had a problem.
- I didn't really mean anything. - It's all right.
Sue. Sue, listen. Listen. It's all right.
I told him. You didn't mean anything. I told him.
Hamburgers!
- Hey, you got a cigarette? - Yeah.
All right. Thanks.
Whee.!
I'm real bad.
Real bad.
I'm so sorry.
Go check it out.
Halt.!
- Come on, dudes. - Man, I ain't goin' up there.
Come on.
Damn, Eddie. Get that dog.
Let's go.
Taxi!
Go straight. Then I'll tell you where to go.
- What is that, a movie house there? - Yeah. Right.
Yeah, well, uh, I feel like a movie. Stop here, will ya?
Okay.
- This all right here? - Yeah.
- There you go. - Hey, thanks a lot. Appreciate it.
You on duty?
Oh!
Oh, Jesus Christ.
What happened?
Oh, my God.
Mom, you gotta call me a cab.
- No. - I have to get to the club.
No, you stay home. Mom'll take care of you.
A Peruvian. A Peruvian, uh...
shepherd named Bruno said, "This about love I do know.
Thank you. Mine was-
"A woman is fine, a sheep is divine...
but a llama is numero uno. "
- Marty, how are ya? - Hi, Mort.
Good to-Jesus Christ. Good to see ya.
- Having a party? - Yeah. A little celebration. Some friends in from New York.
Clare Benoit, Mickey, uh, Noeaux and Mike.
- Clare Benoit? - Yeah.
- This is Ingrid. - Pull up a chair.
Please. And Alvinia I'm sure you remember.
Hi.
Listen, Mort, I just heard on the radio that something happened down there at the Chinaman's.
Sounded like a real bloodbath - people hollering and screaming all over the place.
- Oh, my God. - What happened?
I don't know. I didn't hear all the details. They had a reporter doing an on-the-spot number.
Was it a tong war?
I don't know, but the way he said it there was about 25 squad cars there.
There was some asshole that went up and just started shooting. Kids too.
Who's the Chinaman, Mort?
Uh, downtown - a guy in import-export.
- Did you know him? - Yeah.
Yeah, uh - Do you want a drink?
Well, I'm sure you'll excuse me.
- I have to meet someone over there. - Well, come back, okay?
Nice seeing ya. Sorry about -you know.
- That's okay. - But come back, okay?
Good night, Alvinia.
What's the matter? Don't you like him?
- Oh, he's sweet. - He's a nice guy. He's a nice-lookin'guy.
- Is he a nice guy? - Mmm.
Notice how upset he was about that Chinese massacre?
Mmm.
- Will you excuse me, please? I have to freshen up. - Sure.
How long were you and Mort married?
I really don't remember.
You don't remember?
You were married to him, and you don't remember how long?
- Don't worry about it. - No.
So I gotta put up a chimney to carry the smoke out.
Why can't the smoke go in the house? Hi, Mort.
Flo, I gotta talk to you - alone.
Screw. Have yourself a whistle. You, take off with him.
Get her ready.
- I'll be with you in a while. - Guess what. I got a message from Marty.
- You see Marty? - I'm always looking at Marty.
- Say hello to Marty. - Greatest guy in the world.
- You know what he told me? - There he is.
- That's him. - The two-finger salute.
- It's all right, Marty. - You know what he just told me? Stopped by the table.
- Yeah, what'd he tell ya? - He said the Chinaman is dead.
The Chin -
I thought you'd be happy. Now I'll give you something to cry about.
You gotta go get Vittelli and kill him.
Good evening.
Bonsoir.
Well, I see that the booze is plentiful tonight...
which is good...
because it's good for the house, and what is good for the house is ultimately good for yours truly.
Now I shall... mesmerize you-all of you.
- Hypnotize you. - How's it goin', Sonny?
- Busy. - And make you use your imaginations...
to take you on another trip...
to another day...
to another dream...
another dollar.
Imagination.
Imagination
Is funny
It makes a cloudy day
Sunny
Makes the bees
Think of honey
Just as I
Think of you
Imagination
Is crazy
Your whole perspective
Gets hazy
Starts you asking a daisy
What to do
Have you ever felt
A gentle touch
And then a kiss
And then
And then find it's only
Your imagination again
Oh, well
Imagination
Is silly
You go around
Willy-nilly
For example
I go around
Wanting you
Take it off now.
And yet
I can't
Imagine
Fabulous place.
- Thanks. - For times delizioso.
Good girls.
Just like home. I've been waiting a long time.
I've been playing games. Do you know Match One?
- Five, four, three, two, one. - Yeah.
- Do you play? - Well, not now.
Got a little problem here.
You know...
I gotta meet some friends at 11:00.
Maybe you should, like, come along.
We're all fairly interested in your experience.
Well, I'll tell you about it, you can tell them, because, uh...
I don't feel too hot.
No one could have pulled that off. I know myself.
- Ten years ago I shoot some Mexican- - Hey.
- How you doin'? - I'm gonna buy you a diamond ring.
You're kidding. Ooh.
- You love me? - You know I do.
- Say you love me. - I love you. I gotta get back.
And then
And then find it's only your imagination
I don't want to keep my friends waiting any longer.
Again
Over again
Anybody home?
You killed the top Chinese dog.
Every one ofhis followers from here to Canarsie and then some...
are on their way to tear your guts out.
That's Mao Tse-tung and Fu Manchu and everybody else.
Ah, thatjerk Karl Marx said opium was the...
religion of the people.
I got news for him. It's money.
Money. That's -Jesus Christ.
My father was right.
There's nothing wrong with you, Cosmo. Money. Money.
My father was a nice guy. You should have met my father.
He could listen to me like you could.
That's why I like you.
There's not many people that can listen like my father.
- You cry when your father died? - Ah.
He promised me one thing. He said, "Hey-"
"Don't let 'em bury me. "
Didn't like the electric company, the gas company, the water company.
Why don't you do yourself a favor and get out of here?
Huh? You're an amateur.
Take a walk.
Where are you going?
That's my friend in there. Take care of him.
He's your problem.
Asshole.
Cosmo?
"Cosimodo"? It's Mort.
Cosmo.
Hey, Cosmo.
Sorry about that.
In fact, I'm sorry about the whole thing, Cosmo, but, uh...
it couldn't be helped, you know.
I mean, that's why we're here to talk about it.
Itjust happened to be you. I like you.
I personally like ya. I felt it when I met you. It was instincts, ya know.
You've got some kind of guts, man.
You know who that was?
You know who the Chinaman was?
He was the heaviest cat on the West Coast, Cosmo.
You did what we couldn't do.
I mean, you knew you were set up, didn't you?
I mean, it was a plan, and, uh, I was part of it, but, uh-
I like myself, you know. I mean...
I believe you could kill me right now, and if that's what you want to do...
then, uh, go ahead...
but you've got enough heat on you already, and we can help you.
I think it's about time to make a deal.
Answer me, ya son of a bitch.!
Vittelli?
Vittelli.!
The DowJones industrial average went up-
Because I had to call her at the club...
and tell her there was a accident.
He was hurt.
Could you come over a few minutes -
And now the world at a glance. California congressman-
Because I don't know if he's coming home.
I don't know if you know a doctor or whatever.
I said I don't know if he's coming home.
Mom, would you get off the telephone.
Lashes out at the general assembly.
He - He may try and call. And if he calls and the line is busy, he won't call back again.
- Mama, get off the darn telephone. - I don't know if he's coming home or not.
- Who you talking to anyway? - Your brother.
Mama.
Previously owned by Gulf Oil and British Petroleum.
- This makes the way for the first Arab country... - Good evening.
to receive 100% ownership of this reduced company.
Bologna, Italy. Ernesto Maserati...
former top racing driver and founder of the Maserati automobile company...
died today at the age of 77.
Tel Aviv. The Israeli defense minister plans to ask the U. S...
to speed shipment of F-15 fighter planes.
Why isn't your daughter at work?
Are you serious?
I mean, there's a show goin' on.
She's my girlfriend, but she also works for me.
Are you really serious?
I mean, people are struggling to keep the show alive.
Could I have a talk with you a moment, please?
- Oh, sure. - What's happening?
Will somebody please tell me what's goin' on.
Don't worry, Rach. I got a lot of insurance.
- I'm serious. What's go - - I gotta go talk to your mother. Shh.
Well, now.
I don't know what to think.
I mean, uh -
Ah.
I'm not feeling well, to tell you the truth.
I mean, it's not, uh -
My stomach is upset, and I need some, uh -
some, uh -
I don't know what I need.
I don't know.
But, uh...
I, uh, didn't expect that. I didn't expect a double cross.
You're a funny lady, Betty.
My mother was very funny, had a great sense of humor.
Yeah, that's right.
She was so funny, she ran off with this big, fat butcher.
I don't know where she is.
Uh, but, uh -
Uh -
You're terrific.
You're wonderful.
You know any butchers?
- No. I didn't run off with no bu- - Oh, no, you didn't -
And I don't give a shit about a... butcher.
That's right. Well, that's what she did.
And my father was, uh-
I don't give a damn about your father.
That's right. Yeah, well, he was a-he was a moron.
- I don't care. - Well, I care!
- Well, I don't! - Well, I do!
I don't know what to do with my hands. I swear to God.
How long's that coffee been there?
Cosmo, I think what happened...
was wrong
And you won't go to the doctor...
because you think you're gonna live...
with the bullet in you.
And I don't want you in my house no more.
Because I'm not strong enough for you.
Okay, babe.
Listen.
I wish you luck in whatever you endeavor.
And I gotta go because there are no rivers here.
Uh -
- I still love you. - Yeah.
- But you can't stay here no more. - Absolutely.
Because I don't know what's wrong, and I don't know what happened, and I don't want to know.
- I know. - And I don't want to know -
- Pay the guy. - Yes, sir.
And there's never anyone around
To hear it
Never anyone around
To hear it
The first star
Out tonight I'm safe tonight
I'll warm your hands and make you smile
Ooh, ooh
Ahh, ahh
Ooh
Come on.!
Now, Teddy...
I'm not kiddin' around.
- Cosmo, all I want to do is dance. - Wait. Shut up. I'm talking to Teddy.
So, uh...
let's go down, give the customers a show, huh?
- Waitin' to start the show. - Nobody wants their check this week?
- Yeah. - I do.
- You want your check, don't ya? - Yes.
Let's get our asses downstairs. We got people.
So, let's go. What's the problem?
What is this depression?
- Huh? - There's a problem-
- Come on. I know there's a problem. - There's just a misunderstanding, Cosmo.
- Well, what is it? - I don't want to pull a big star bit...
but people do come here because I'm...
well, some unique kind of personality, I suppose.
A bit far out, a bit freakish maybe, but -
- Straitlaced. - But - Freakish.
But unique in my own way.
And when things go badly...
who gets the booing?
- I do. But when things go well... - The music director-
they- they, they, they get the applause and all the cheers...
because they flash their tits.
Come on, Teddy.
What are you talking? Look how beautiful they are.
- What's wrong with tits? - They love it.
- They almost fell off their chairs it was so great. Are you kidding? - I agree with her.
There's entirely too much comedy.
- And another- - There's too many jokes.
I want to do some serious -
Let us be civil, ladies.
Now, Teddy. Teddy.
Everything takes work.
We'll straighten it out. You know.
You gotta work hard to be comfortable.
Yeah, a lot of people kid themselves, you know.
They-They know when they were born, they know where they're goin'...
they know whether they're gonna go to heaven, whether they're gonna go to hell.
They think they know that. They kid themselves.
Right?
But the only people...
who are, you know, happy...
are the people who are comfortable.
That's right.
Now, you take, uh, uh, Carol, right?
Take her. Take Carol.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. "
Aw, no.
A dingbat, right? A ding-a-ling.
A dingo.
That's what people think she is, 'cause that's the truth they want to believe.
But, uh, you put her in another situation, right?
Put her in a situation that's tough.
Stress. Where she's up against something, you'll see she's no fool.
- Right? - A little silly, but no fool.
Right. 'Cause what's your truth... is my falsehood.
What's my falsehood is your truth and vice versa.
Well, look. Look at me, right?
I'm only happy when I'm angry...
when I'm sad, when I can play the fool...
when I can be what people want me to be rather than be myself.
- You understand? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
And that takes work.
Gotta work overtime for that.
Yeah. Doesn't matter who you are or what personality you choose.
- Come on, baby. Silly boy. - "Come on, baby. " Choose a personality.
- Get dressed. - Let's go down there and -
- I'll give you a rubdown after the show. - Right.
- We'll do a great show... - Watch out.
we'll smile, we'll cry...
big, glistening tears that pour onto the stage...
and we'll make their lives a little happier, huh?
So they won't have to face themselves. They can pretend to be somebody else.
Be happy. Be joyous. Come on. You. Maestro.
- Yes. - Give me the downbeat.
The downbeat.
Let's go.
- Come on. - Come on, Teddy. Get into it.
Come on. Snap those fingers.
Wars have come and wars have gone
History goes on and on
But ever since this world began
- Love - Love not war has conquered man
Oh, I'm so in love. I'm so in love.
- Look at this. Could you believe this? - Great. Hey. Yeah.
This lovely man gave it to me. Isn't it beautiful?
- Go, Sherry. - Ho, ho, ho, ho. You're lovely without that little ring, my love.
All right. Keep it up. No fooling around. Let's do it clean.
- Come on. Keep going, Tony. - Okay.
Come on.
Caesar fought to gain control
- Good. Good. - Worldly wealth was Caesar's goal
But then Cleo played her hand
And love conqueredjust as planned
How many mothers in the house? Let me hear it.
- Five. - Three.
Ah, we got some mothers in the house.
Mothers who love their children.
Got sons who love their daughters.
What a pain in the ass.
Give me a spot!
Give me a spot.
Ah. Right here.
Is that all?
Let me hear it.
Nice.
You know, uh, they say everything is sex.
Uh, sex is everything.
Here at the Crazy Horse West...
we give you a lot more than that.
- I'm dyin'. - That's right.
And because of your patience, we're gonna start off by buying every one of you a drink.
Put a spotlight on Sonny.
Put a spotlight on Son - Sonny Venice, ladies and gentlemen.
Our bartender. Give him some love, huh?
Sonny Venice.
Love to say that name.
Beautiful name.
And, uh...
the girls that help him here...
are beautiful girls.
Love to take care of people. We have, uh, Rita here. Rita.
Rita, you got a drink there?
Let me have that.
- Now what? Come on. - And we have, uh, Virginia. Where's Virginia?
There she is.
Come on.
- Where's the girls? - Oh.
Well, I think I should explain why we're a little late. One of our-
- Where's Rachel? - Where are the other girls?
Well, that's it. One of our girls left.
No longer with us.
Uh, Rachel, as a matter of fact.
Gone on to bigger and better things.
Uh...
she was a black girl.
Black and beautiful.
And I loved her.
And I drink to her.
Now, uh...
Mr. Sophistication...
and his De-Lovelies...
are not gonna take you to Asia.
They're not gonna take you to Europe.
They're not gonna take you to South America.
We're gonna introduce a new number tonight.
He's gonna take you on a whole new trip.
And I know you're gonna enjoy it. It's a new numberwritten by our musical director.
Talented guy.
Tony Maggio.
And, uh -
Uh, with any luck, uh...
Mr. Sophistication and his De-Lovelies will be walking down those stairs right now.
Let's give him a big hand - Mr. Sophistication, ladies and gentlemen.
Mr. Sophistication, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, uh, as you can see, they're prettier than I am.
I'll get off the stage. Enjoy the show.
Well, uh, better late than never, n'est-ce pas?
Even at this hour of the night.
I'd like a-a follow spot on Cosmo...
and a larger, greater hand for our padrone.
Because he's not only a great nightclub owner-
Quiet. Wait. Wait.
But he also - he also practices...
the best thing there is in this world -
to be comfortable.
Enjoy yourself.
And now, ladies and gentlemen...
for the very first time tonight right here on this stage...
the Crazy Horse West is pleased and proud to present to you tonight...
our musical director, Mr. Tony "Daggio. "
Yea.!
We can't give you anything but love
Baby
That's the only thing we've plenty of
Baby
Dream awhile Grovel for it. Grovel.
Scheme awhile
- You're sure to find - Take it off!
Happiness great success
All the things you've always whined for
Gee, we'd like to see
You lookin' swell
Baby
Dolled up, dressed up
Raising Cain and hell
Baby
Till that lucky day
You know damn well
Baby
I can't give you anything but
Nothing in this great big world but
I can't give you anything but
Love, love, love
Hot love
Love, love, love Hot love
I can't give you autre chose
- But love - Take it off!
Whoo! You're hot! You're hot! Whoo!
Hey, hey.!
More.!
- I can't give you anything but love - Yeah.!
Baby
- That's the only thing I've plenty of - Give us some fire.!
Baby
Dream awhile Scheme awhile
You're sure to find
Happiness and I guess
All the things you've always pined for
- Come on. - Gee, I'd like to see you lookin'swell
Baby
Diamond bracelets Woolworth's doesn't sell
Baby
Till that lucky day you know darn well
Baby
I can't give you anything but
Nothing in this great big world but
- I can't give you anything but love - I can't give you anything but love
Love, love, love Sweet love
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Where are you?
You're at the Crazy Horse West.
- Anything but - Hi, ho, Silver, away.!
Love
Ladies and gentlemen...
Crazy Horse West is proud to present...
Mr. Sophistication...
and his De-Lovelies.
Let's give 'em a big hand.
Come on back. Come on, Teddy. Come on.
- Come on, baby. - Call him back.
Listen, ladies and gentlemen.
He thinks we don't love him, but we really do.